Dear Younger Me
We all need inspiration to help us push through the tough days, the rough days, the days we want to run away to Paris or Bali or even our best friend's house and never return. Having mentors, those who have gone before us, showing us what we can do, reminding us that we are brave, strong, capable, loving, compassionate, badass mothers is essential. This article offers you the voices of two moms from different backgrounds and mothering kids with different diagnoses. May their words be like little torches, helping to lead you through the dark days of altered motherhood with bravery and love.
No Apologies Needed by Billie Short
Dear Younger Me,
If I were to give my younger self any advice, it would be to stop apologizing. Just refuse to do it. Stop apologizing for your house not being as clean as it was before your children were born. Stop apologizing for dozing off during a movie because you're running on zero sleep.
Don't say you're sorry for being late because your daughter vomited three times on the way to the destination. Don't apologize for bringing a pre-made dessert to an event because you were ragged and didn't have time to prepare a dish from scratch.
And above all, stop apologizing for your child. Accept her the way she is. Do not try to make her fit into a box she will never conform to. She doesn't act the way others might expect her to, and that's okay. Her behaviors, her noises, her stemming, those are all part of the girl that you love.
You love her dearly. This is how she communicates. This is how she interacts. This is who she is. Embrace it. Accept it. Instead of trying to make her conform to the world, teach others about her behaviors and about her. Teach others to accept your daughter for her unique, different, and yes, very loud ways. Because you don't need to ever apologize for her, she has the right to be who she is just like anyone else. No apologies needed.
Stronger Than You Know by Renay Compere
Dear Younger Me,
You will be given the worst imaginable news when your third son is born. You will be beyond terrified at not being in control. Don't worry, none of us are in control and it's good to learn this now.
You will fear your child will suffer. Don't worry, we all suffer, and it makes us stronger. You will think that your child will never be accepted. Don't worry, he will make friends wherever he goes. He will also help you make friends who will change your life.
You will mourn for what could have been. Don't worry, he will be amazing, and he will make your family special. Enjoy the moments when he makes you proud and share his successes with everyone. Be strong in the moments he will challenge you beyond your imagination because it will pass.
Be in each moment that comes knowing it will never be the same again. Slow down and take in the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, knowing that the journey you are on is yours and it's meaningful.
You will lose friends and family. Do not spend time worrying about them. They will be replaced with the most amazing beings on the planet. They are the silver lining. Please know that everything will be okay.
You are stronger than you know. You will fight with everything you've got to make sure he has what he needs. You will do this because you are now a mama with an incredibly important place in the universe, the mama of the child with special needs. And you've totally got this.
Happy Mother's Day, you are seen, and you are loved.
