Beat Overwhelm With Bite-Sized Self-Care
written by Lora DeMello
Feeling overwhelmed?
Too much to do and never enough time to do it in?
Too fed up with the shoulds that are overtaking your life?
Is your mom guilt running high and your mom energy running low or nonexistent?
Know you need to engage in some sort of self-care, but that, too, is just another thing added to a long to-do list?
If you’re nodding your head to any or all of these, then it’s time for something a little different; something….bite-sized. While you digest the information below, know in your whole being that, truly, you are NOT alone in these feelings. You are surrounded by a community of warrior women who fight this overwhelm right along with you, daily.
Between the ages of 20 and 45, I endured 10 un-wanted, but medically-necessary, surgeries; many cutting across muscles that needed to be rebuilt. I also gave birth to two beautiful children, one with many, invisible, unique needs and I navigated life both married and divorced, working the entire time, often more than one job. At the time of writing this, I am happily re-married and now have four children, three of whom have invisible, unique needs.
It is VERY easy, given the situations, to become quickly defeated with the healing and self-care processes. Very easy to dive, deep, deep into the abyss of the Land of Overwhelm. Working, mothering, healing. There is NO time for self-care. NO time for breathing. NO time for allowing the cracks in my foundation to show and grow. NO time, period.
But I knew. I knew that in order to be there for myself and my children for the long-haul, I needed to make some changes. I also know myself. If I am told to go walk for an hour a day, or go to the gym three times a week, or do something for myself, daily, for a minimum of 30 minutes, or get a massage, or go out with the girls…..as much as I WANT to do these things…I won’t. They all take too long and, therefore, I will opt out because I will fail before I begin. So, I don’t begin. Anyone else with me here?
A solution had to be found and, thus, my “Bite-Sized” Philosophy of Life was born. As with most things, it was born of necessity. I cannot convince myself to work on building my abdominal muscles back up for 30 minutes a day, nor any of the above-mentioned ideas, but I CAN convince myself to do ONE set of an exercise, each day. I CAN walk just 10-15 minutes a day, even if it’s doing laps around my house. I CAN steal away (even if that means a long ‘library’ visit to the bathroom) for just FIVE minutes to scroll, listen to ONE song that brings me peace and/or lifts me up, watch a funny reel or video, or even read for just those five minutes. I CAN plan ONE outing with a friend at least ONCE in a year. I CAN make time to shoot one or two text messages to friends to let them know I’m thinking of them. I can EVEN just sit, staring into nothingness, for five minutes and let go of the guilt that used to come with it.
Sure, only doing one set of 15 reps of an abdominal exercise won’t show the kind of progress the docs hoped for; but, over time, the progress happened. AND, low-and-behold, over time, I often found myself walking longer, doing more sets, reading for just a few more minutes, planning a second outing with a friend. Because the fact is, all you need to do is START. And start SMALL. Start BITE-SIZED. Success begets success. When you start to feel good because of a small change you’ve made, you will not only WANT to do more, you will, almost magically, make the time to do more, without any of the previous success-killing pressures.
Kendra Adachi, author of the wonderful book, The Lazy Genius Way: Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn’t, and Get Stuff Done, recently shared on our Brave Together Podcast, some tips for overwhelmed moms (if you haven’t listened, please do; the January 18, 2023 episode). Her concept that making small changes in your life will have great positive results in reducing overwhelm resonated beautifully with my “Bite-Sized” Philosophy of Life.
Just chose ONE thing to do and make it bite-sized. Five minutes, maybe ten, but no more than that. I promise you….doing so WILL change your life, and the lives of those around you, for the better. What have you really got to lose compared to what you most definitely have to gain? It’s only a bite….no calories attached. And, perhaps, you might even be able to kick some of that mom guilt and overwhelm in the big round backside after all.
If you still feel you need help to grab a hold of this new “Bite-Sized” Philosophy of Life, I hope you will reach out; I’d be happy to bring you an appetizer.
Lora DeMello (fka Ackermann) hails from the whole West Coast: Oregon, Washington and California. She is a lifetime member of the We Are Brave Together community and currently serves as President of the WABT Board. Lora is mother to two teens and a large dog and, having recently re-married, is now stepmom to two pre-teens. Of her four children, three have invisible, unique needs. Lora is an empowerment specialist with 20 years of training in leadership and personal growth; she is a teacher, artist, businesswoman, and writer. She loves to live life 100% alive, the bite-sized way, preferably in nature, surrounded by her friends and family.
