The Necessity of Self Care
written by Julie Hight
I'm not sure if you're like me or not - I have a tendency to see self care as optional. Yes, in theory self care is important, but it usually is at the bottom of my list.
Most days it's such a relief to have an actual break. I work 9-5 during the day with scheduled breaks and lunch. This time is typically consumed with care management for my son. More or less these breaks include emails and calls to doctors, therapists, and service providers. I am utterly thankful for support we receive on a daily, weekly, monthly and annual basis, but I will admit it's a lot to manage. In order to continue receiving such support, there are required check in's, confirming appointments, endless paperwork, and troubleshooting.
I find that I go through many ups and downs on prioritizing self care. When I am not making it a priority, things tend to start slipping. I start forgetting to complete tasks, and I have a tendency to not keep up with life's demands.
How to manage self care in the midst of caregiving?
The simple answer I have come to is - I cannot leave self care when I have time. I will not have the time at the end of the day when everything else is taken care or. They say that 'you cannot pour from an empty cup.' I try to do this, and utterly fail. One of the ways that I can prioritize is by saying 'no.' This is the simplest, yet not so easy, action I can do. Saying no to taking on additional responsibilities. Saying no to fun activities or plans. Saying no to taking that phone call. I have had many discussions with people, who have not understood the demands of special needs parenting. I have experienced well intending friends say, "you cannot isolate" and "it shouldn't take you so long to get back to social engagements." This made me question, am I isolating? Or am I focusing on self care?
I am an introvert. I am fueled by alone time. I absolutely adore time with friends, and enjoying personal connection with others. I know that when I am exhausted and drained, I do not have the capacity to carry a conversation. These periods have extended as a mom to a kiddo with special needs. There are some seasons as a mama, that requires a substantial amount of time to find normalcy again. I find that once we get into a good rhythm, that can maintain for a lengthy period, or it can quickly change.
Self care looks different for everyone. For me, self care requires a lot of alone time. For others, self care may require a lot of time in connection with others. Oxford dictionary's definition of self care is ‘the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.’
I have so much to learn to prioritize this in my life more and more. How do you prioritize self care in your life?
Julie's son, Liam is 8, and has 22q deletion syndrome, autism, and a number of complex medical and mental health conditions. She loves yoga, lifting weights, and connecting with people. She works part time as a disability hearing officer, and caregiver for her son.