Feel The Fear
written by Laurie Hall
PARENTING IS A TIMELESS TEST OF COURAGE
Do you too, struggle sometimes while standing in trepidation at the door of what might be next?
Taking a different form than the mold of our motherly and fatherly hopes, NO IMAGINING COULD HAVE SHAPED ME for the LOVE I would feel, or the FEAR I would experience in raising our sons. I am constantly asked to watch their ascent into difficult territory; TO LET GO of the rope between us that exists like a living bond.
Do you wonder as I do,
How do I PREPARE THEM for this life that will be shaped by their experiences of growing into a future uncradled by me?
Typically developing, or otherwise, while I would walk across a desert however dangerous, to take their hand in mine to guide them, as HELPING OUR KIDS TO FLY INDEPENDENTLY, WAS ALWAYS THE GOAL.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I was afraid and said to myself, ALL YOU CAN DO in this moment IS THE NEXT RIGHT THING. Twenty-five plus years in, I am sure, it is the DEEP ABIDING LOVE for my children that has sustained me. (To be completely transparent, a good cry now and then, hasn’t hurt either!)
And my special young man…
NO ONE TOLD ME how to feel; how to sit with the full terror, and the full gift of his love. The first time I heard the words, “No one wants to sit by me” I felt my heart implode. I WAS CRUSHED.
NO ONE TOLD ME… how to feel my way along the sharp edge of his disappointments.
No one told me…The blade of his loneliness, and the rejections of his otherness, would be so sharp, and cut so deeply. You know what I mean?
Even though intuitively, we want to protect our children, GROWTH and HONESTY are reached through the doorway of struggle.
Disappointments are inescapable.
Heartbreak is unpreventable.
Crisis, from time to time is unavoidable.
WE DON’T ALWAYS HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT, and that’s okay – I rarely do. Humbled daily, there is no way to prepare for every unknown that is sure to come. Just when I think I’ve found my footing, I am asked to take another giant LEAP of FAITH.
Remember, wherever you are, it’s called HERE.
The CHALLENGES CAN BE PLENTIFUL. I know.
But…
As with many life experiences, the pain from the struggle, is often A WAY IN.
All we are, we are, and every day is the start of something new and different. (I KNOW this “new” can also sometimes, be a double-edged sword.) These years have taught me, it is often about adjusting the lens from which I see, rather than shutting down, or REINVENTING the wheel.
HERE FOR YOU, are my most sincere heartfelt WORDS OF WISDOM.
In that first peaceful, hardly noticed moment when you wake, and the thirst for everything finds its true form, TAKE A DEEP BREATH. The act of parenting, is a HUMBLE apprenticeship. Grab your coffee, feel the fear, and trust YOU WILL greet, gather and sift through, whatever washes ashore with determination and love.
Feel the fear and LEAP anyway.
Please reach out with any comments, or to let me know if this post touched your heart via Laurie.hall@mac.com
or private message me @lightwecreate on instagram