written by Lora Ackermann, WABT board member
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Self-care. Two small words.

An enormous multitude of meanings and attached emotions.

Needed and desired daily.

Yet a great cause of overwhelm; also daily.

How is it these two itty bitty, innocent words can cause such unimaginable distress?

Because we make it SO INCREDIBLY HUGE and time-consuming in our minds. We add ‘self-care’ to our mental to-do list, then, typically, at the end of that day….that one that has us barely crawling, if that, into bed, brain still spinning on any number of challenges great, small, imagined, real, extra real, that we’ve either overcome or, more-than-too-often, barely scratched the surface of; body beyond exhausted from managing everyone else’s crap (I mean lives….), not because we choose to, but because being a mom, well, it just comes with the job; inner voice (or voices) that barrage our final thoughts with all that we didn’t accomplish and/or all that we failed at…..that day that feels a bit like the movie, “Groundhog Day” as it keeps repeating itself over and over and over and…you get the picture….

Yes, at the end of THAT day, we lay our weary head gently on the pillow and just before the final day’s flutter, we think, “Sh*t! I forgot to do that self-care thing!” And just like that, it becomes ONE MORE THING we’ve failed at.

This self-care overwhelm happens, in part, owing to the following myths (in no particular order):

1. Self-care, to be successful and effective, has to take a long time.

2. If I stop to practice self-care, I am taking time away from (insert any of many here: my kids, my spouse, my job, my family, making breakfast, lunch, dinner, getting the laundry done, etc.)

3. Self-care is selfish.

4. Self-care is a nice thing to do if you can make the time, but it’s not a necessary part of life.

5. Self-care costs money.

Let’s tackle these myths head-on:

1. Self-care, to be successful and effective, has to take a long time. No, no it really doesn’t. I promise you. Self-care can take as little as five minutes or as much time as you’d like it to. Part of this depends entirely on what you are expecting from the self-care. If you’re expecting that one self-care experience, no matter the length of time, is going to change your life in a day, well, then you’re right…..it won’t work. If, however, you’re in it for the long haul, then I invite you to try what I like to call “Bite-size self-care.”

Here’s how “Bite-size self-care” works:

A. Choose something you can do in, say, 15 minutes or less. Start small. With just a bite. It could be that you hide for an extra five minutes in the bathroom (or closet, or car, or…..wherever you need to….) and literally just take five deep breaths, or sit outside and breathe in the fresh air for five minutes, or read something funny for that five minutes…..or listen to a favorite song, dance like no one is watching for five minutes (don’t hurt yourself, please), have a glass of wine…. Go for a walk for 15 minutes, you get the idea. I’m not talking about going to get that massage, or grabbing a Zoom happy hour with the gals, nothing wrong with these at all….we will get there, I promise.

B. Next, start with making it happen ONCE a week, not every day. Every day is your ultimate goal, but it’s not your starting point. You have to start somewhere and build upon each success. IF you tell yourself you HAVE to do this every day, you are setting yourself up for failure. So, don’t. If you can ramp up to more often quickly, great; if not, no problem. If weekly is too hard, try starting with once a month. One bite-size step at a time.

C. Add some variety when you can. Self-care comes in all different shapes and sizes and attends to different needs in our lives: creative, family, personal, health and well-being, professional, etc. So, mix it up a bit. If you need ideas on what to do, reach out and/or research. We are here to help!

D. Celebrate only your successes; never your failures. (We learn from our failures, but we celebrate our self-care successes.) Realize that each time you DO accomplish this bite-size self-care, you are making progress—no matter how long or how often. Feel good about what you’ve done. Period. There’s plenty we don’t feel good about; self-care shouldn’t be one of them.

E. Rinse and repeat, that’s right. Do it again the next week. And the next. When you feel you can, add another time, or add a few extra minutes. Or both. Either way, just keep moving forward. Bite-size. One small bite at a time.
There are a plethora of books and articles out there on success, personal growth, leadership that will tell you that success comes from small habits, practiced daily (ultimate goal, remember) more so than one big, long push every once-in-a-while. There, I just saved you about 100 hours in reading all of that material….so put it to good use. Heehee!

2. If I stop to practice self-care, I am taking time away from (insert any of many here: my kids, my spouse, my job, my family, making breakfast, lunch, dinner, getting the laundry done, etc.)

There’s a story of a man…he’s in his yard chopping down a tree with a dull ax. His neighbor walks by, asks what the man is doing. The man says, grunting as he continues to try to chop unsuccessfully, “I’m cutting down this tree.” His neighbor, seeing that the ax being used is dull, asks, “Well, why don’t you stop and sharpen your ax so you can chop better?” The man says, still grunting, “I can’t; I have no time.”

YOU, amazing warrior mama. YOU are the glue that holds your family together. Sorry; it’s just the truth. For this reason, you NEED to take the time to practice self-care. You need to stop and sharpen your proverbial ax or your efforts may become increasingly fruitless. In addition, our children are not only watching what we do, but what we don’t do. They learn from both.

For many years, my daughter watched as I ran around like a crazy woman trying to serve everyone, to take care of everyone, to make everyone else’s lives my personal responsibility, to stuff away any feelings that arose, rarely, if ever, taking any sort of a break. This is what she began to copy, to my horror. It’s taken me over eight years to reverse that learning and we are still working on it, daily. Our children NEED to see us practicing self-care so that they, too, don’t fall into the same “THAT-day, dull-ax” trap above. ​

​3. Self-care is selfish. The bottom line here is one we’ve heard before. If mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy. So, warrior mama, take care of yourself and I promise you, your family, your job, your spouse. They WILL be happier. By taking care of YOU, first, you ARE taking better care of all of these areas, all of those whom you care so deeply about. AND, you will be more effective at it as well.

4. Self-care is a nice thing to do if you can make the time, but it’s not a necessary part of life.
Article after article from moms, medical doctors, therapists…they all say it in one way or another: Consistent self-care, be it daily, weekly, or monthly, can help prevent burnout, fatigue, increased anxiety and depression, and other physical and mental ailments.
Self-care is not only a nice thing to do, it’s a requirement in order to extend the quantity, and deepen the quality, of the life you have been given.

5. Self-care costs money. Okay, so, self-care CAN cost money, but it doesn’t HAVE to. If money is an issue that keeps you from stepping into the world of practicing self-care, I encourage you to re-read the answer to the first myth. Make it simple; make it bite-size. There are hundreds of things you can do to practice self-care that cost little-to-no money, yet, are still effective.

Have I convinced you, yet? To try a bite-size self-care approach? To drop the excuses (a.k.a. myths) and start, today, to take your life back? Even if only for a few minutes a few times a month. You will find, in time, with each additional bite, renewed strength, increased energy, an even happier home/spouse/work situation, and a healthier, longer-living YOU. Just for starters.

Still feel hesitant or don’t know where to start? Reach out. Reach out via the WABT website, the private Facebook group, or feel free to shoot me an email at colormesmiling@gmail.com. I’ll help you start on the path of bite-size self-care (no charge) and soon you’ll be enjoying your just desserts of life. Go on. Take a bite. You’ll be glad you did. It’s calorie-free and simply delicious.

Lora Ackermann is a single mom who hails from the whole west coast having lived in Oregon, Washington, and now California (for the past 12 years). Her WABT journey began when her daughter, now 15, was diagnosed at age seven with several ‘hidden’ special needs, including OCD, ADD, GAD, and recently Cyclothymia, and her son, now 13, was diagnosed with ADHD at age six. Lora has authored several printed articles, a blog, and is currently working on two book projects. She is a stress-management specialist, author, artist, mom and all-around-life-goof. Lora has a passion for empowering people through the written word, connection, art and interactive experiences and she is truly honored to be a part of this WABT community.