written by Lori Rivera

I’m just a mom.

I’m just a mom who advocates for her three neuro divergent kids in a school system not set up to validate thinking outside the box.

I’m just a mom who had to fight for services. Fight for her children to be seen when they were falling thru the cracks of not quite divergent enough to qualify for the services they desperately needed.

I’m just a mom who won’t take no for an answer when my children’s mental health is at risk or when they aren’t being heard.

I’m just a mom.

I’m just a mom who juggles three kids and an aging father with major health issues.

I’m just a mom who learned how to clear the line when her father’s suprapubic tube got blocked for years. I’m just a mom who now changes his Ostomy bag three times a week. I’m just a mom who juggles his appointments and technology for him. Who sits with him when he is scared or anxious.

I’m just a mom who cares for her mother when she was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer.

I’m just a mom who watched her mom lose her hold on life little by little for five years.

I’m just a mom who stepped in to be a mom for my younger siblings when we lost our mom.

I’m just a mom who doesn’t hear no.

I’m just a mom that hears how do we fix this?

I’m just a mom who took over the care of her severely disabled brother fifteen years ago.

I’m just a mom who learned how to be a nurse on her own. Guided by doctors and nurses seeing me understand the assignment and furthered my knowledge hands on.

I’m just a mom who juggles dozens of his meds twice daily, monitors his breathing, makes life and death decisions more often than I would like too.

I am just a mom who is her brothers’ arms, legs, back, and voice.

I’m just a mom who can recognize and suction his throat when he can’t breathe, dress wounds on his body, titrate him off of oxygen in the hospital, administer shots, and give IV infusions.

I’m just a mom who stands firm about being with my brother thru every medical procedure done to him.

I’m just a mom who makes difficult doctors and nurses respect me as his provider, sister, de facto mother.

I’m just a mom who is tired of people not knowing what to say to her life choices and openly giving opinions when they were not asked for, or needed, by strangers who have never walked in these size eleven shoes.

I’m just a mom doing my best to maintain a healthy marriage.

I’m just a mom trying to find ways to stay creative.

I’m just a mom who pushes herself to do things that scare the shit out of me. Because sometimes when you are just a mom you must find ways to feel the blood rush through you in excitement—not just in emergencies.

I’m just a mom who wakes up at night worried that I’m not doing a good job mommin’.

I’m just a mom who tries to show up for the ones I love.

I’m just a mom who craves laughter with friends.

I’m just a mom who wants a good day every day.

I’m just a mom who loves the word fuck, ice water, rainy days, Disneyland, and dark humor.

I’m just a mom.

I’m just a mom who is proud of her kids.

I’m just a mom trying my best.

I’m just a mom trying to learn and grow each day.

And even in my worst days…

I am so thankful to be just a mom.

Lori Rivera is a southern California native. She is mom to her three children, Noah, Bailey and August. She is also the 24/7 caregiver for her brother, Shawn. Shawn is 42, with severe cerebral palsy and is medically fragile. Lori was recently an essay contributor for Becoming Brave Together. Lori is incredibly grateful to be a part of the brave community.